keep it dark (snidegrrl) wrote,
keep it dark

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I started out with visualizations of a cool, still pool of water. I imagined placing my hand on the perfect surface and watching the ripples go outward.

This got me through the 4 shots of novocaine and up to the point where, because I was still twitchy, she nicked a spot under my tongue with the drill. Then I cried, and we took a break, and I upped the visualization ante to petting really soft kittens.

I got home and immediately cleaned my car, made up the guest room, vacuumed the stairs, and started doing and putting away laundry. It's only 5:30. I feel better.

Here's the thing: my brain is like in interface on a router. It has a buffer, and it queues up packets of things to do. It fires them off at the time it's supposed to. Two things can interrupt this process, one is very much like a router, one is not. Thing the first: too many packets. Some get dropped. That was starting to happen before I made my post today due to too many meetings in a row at work and no time to process all of it. The second thing that can happen is anxiety. That plops itself into the queue and there is no way to get it out. It leaves alot less space to queue up things for action. Once the anxiety gets in there, basically it's time to shut/noshut the brain.

I guess laying in a chair for 2 hours thinking about kittens while someone has noisy tools in your face serves that purpose.
Tags: introspection
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