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stuff that's on my mind

1. Ram Dass, from watching the documentary Hoffmann's Potion the other day. It's full of little old men talking really slowly (I thought that was pot??) and giggling like they know a cosmic secret, which they possibly do.

2. Sweeney Todd. Over and over. At top volume.
See your razor gleam, Sweeney,
Feel how well it fits
As it floats across the throats
Of hypocrites.

3. Terror at the prospect of playing softball thursday. WHY in HELL did I agree to play. I knew I would dread it every week. Well at least I can now let go of pretending I need to excel and maybe, hopefully, have a little fun. If it sucks this week I will tell the coach that I know it's cool how he convinced me to play but I quit. I don't have time for activities that make me miserable.

4. Boredom. As an affliction. As something to "cope" with. Surely more people than not do work that "bores" them. Most people don't like their jobs. But they manage to concentrate on them for more than 5 minutes at a time. Or I am utterly dysfuncitonal.


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 30th, 2005 06:54 pm (UTC)
Well at least I can now let go of pretending I need to excel and maybe, hopefully, have a little fun.

Maybe you could invert those two?
Mar. 30th, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)
Instead shoot to have a little fun, and hopefully, excel.
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:09 pm (UTC)
It's the hoping to excel part that ruins the fun part every time. If I just accept that I suck at it then I won't be CRUSHED every time I screw up and go home crying every week.
Mar. 30th, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
Next time you are supremely bored come visit my closet and we'll have a smoke.
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:03 pm (UTC)
My problem is that I'm not getting enough work done, so that's not the solution. :(
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:34 pm (UTC)
sweat shops!! good cheap labor!
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:00 pm (UTC)
Did you talk to the softball guy about needing more people?
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:04 pm (UTC)
Not yet. I have been closing my ears about softball with this team and going "LA LA LA". Like, the people on the team are nice enough and all. But still.
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:14 pm (UTC)
The secret to life is making everything interesting. Or forcing yourself to be interested in what you have to do/read/etc.
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:20 pm (UTC)
Well, that would be great, if I knew how to do it. I've made everything else interesting, but apparently lying to myself about how interesting my work is isn't working anymore.

(This all came out of that discussion I referred to obliquely the other day that I don't have ADD, I'm just bored, which was news to me.)
Mar. 30th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC)
Are you really just bored? I read your situation as being as much about your job being hard as about it being boring. Most people who have truly boring work don't actually have to concentrate on it - they might not be any better at the concentration, but it doesn't matter. You are not dysfunctional. You are overwhelmed. So my theory goes, at least.

Unlike your job, you do not have to not suck at softball. You don't even have to play softball, ever. If you can't go on doing it without being miserable, quit. No one will die. :)
Mar. 30th, 2005 08:21 pm (UTC)
It may be that I am bored by the actual process of learning the hard stuff??? I have no idea. My problem is that I can't concentrate on it long enough to learn it and make it thusly easy. Usually I can kind of embrace this kind of thing, the technical parts. I have just been having a hard time focusing at work. Well, I told you about all that. I refuse to believe it's really that hard... yet.

Also, it's liberally sprinkled with boring, tedious data stuff, which I also can't focus on for more than 2 minutes at a time. Everyone else around me seems to have no problems.

It makes order entry seem really, really captivating. Too bad that pays shit.
Mar. 30th, 2005 08:30 pm (UTC)
also: the conversation that caused this post went something like:

me: i think i might have add
someone else: you don't have add, you are just bored

so yeah, i'm paraphrasing that alot.
Mar. 30th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
I am often bored and avoidant about the work that I claim to love. You know, the work that I chose because it's the only thing I'm interested in? The work that I chose even though at thirty I can barely make a living wage at it? Yeah, that one.

Wait, I'm not helping.

Mar. 30th, 2005 10:24 pm (UTC)
Um. Isn't being bored a sign of intelligence? Perhaps your work isn't challenging you enough.

*still convinced that my own personal boredom is a character flaw*
Mar. 30th, 2005 10:46 pm (UTC)
I'm sure it's the character flaw thing, for me. So we're totally mutually not helping each other in this case. :)
Mar. 30th, 2005 11:01 pm (UTC)
Wait, I'm not helping.

Oh, can I not help too? I work for a fabulous company where I get to do amazingly cool stuff, and yet I am practically Avoidant Girl. Sigh!
Mar. 30th, 2005 11:19 pm (UTC)
Don't think of it as boredom, think of it as being interested in a lot of different things at the same time. Only one of them being your work...
Mar. 31st, 2005 02:10 am (UTC)
I can't concentrate for more than two min.

And I also signed up for the company softball team..
Apr. 1st, 2005 04:16 am (UTC)
everyone tells me i'm not alone in that but no one can tell me what they do about it to actually get work done. i know you all do 'cause you tell me on your eljays! :)

sweet! i hope it is fun!
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )


keep it dark

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