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if i have a heart attack or stroke from stress, it will not be due to work or my relationship, that is certain. i have this headache. it won't go away. i feel like i had a tree that was so covered in leaves, so covered you could not see the branches. now the leaves have fallen off, and this tree is an empty brown husk. and now i'm like... were there ever leaves? or was this tree dead and empty all along?

see how long that positivity lasted?!?!?!

but... but... blissful ignorance is not the solution.

this will settle out soon, since i live a comfortable middle class american existence and have to experience no particular hardship thus leaving me able to forget the suffering of others for brief periods of time.

unrelated: at the border's today i could not procure that which i was seeking because a thief with superb taste had run off with literally every criterion collection dvd in the white flint store.

[edited to note: low blood sugar has a tendency to sap the positivity. better keep this well in mind.]