keep it dark (snidegrrl) wrote,
keep it dark

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mood not indicative of some mother-nature stimulus

vaguely surfacing, but still afraid something will pull me back down. things still are pulling me back down here and there. i've always likened depression to being under water. everything moves slower, and when you try to talk, nothing comes out that makes any sense, it's all garbled and quiet. i have been trying to tell Paranoia and Obsession to take a hike, they are not welcome here, but it has only worked so much. weird part about this all was a weirdly psychological allergy to livejournal. which i suppose tells me 1) how far i have drifted from an actual documentation of thoughts/events and 2) how scared i am of how people take me and what people have to say. fear is a big theme for me this week.

yeah, i've basically been terrified to talk to anyone. i can't take a "get over it" response. it's not that fucking simple and if i ever tell you it is you can haul off and punch me in the nose, ok? (i say this with the full knowledge that in the end, it is that simple for me however it might take a long time to get there.)

i decided to go to my 10 yr HS reunion but didn't send the RSVP yet, so who knows. those people didn't like me then, why would they bother now? probably because they are polite. and there might be some people there to talk to. and there might be interesting stories. or it could be an opportunity to network. yes. i should go.

got $129 in dry cleaning done. that is alot of dry cleaning. i forgot i HAD some of these clothes. how pretentious is having that much dry cleaning? OTOH, i expect my dad to post that that is mom's MONTHLY dry cleaning bill.

i still feel bad when i am left alone with my thoughts. stupid thoughts. i should go back to the sweet oblivion that is constant puzzle pirates.

blah blah hurricane blingety blah. i doubt that the night i get off of work (working from home... heh) will really make sense come saturday. but i don't want to drive in any crazy shit, either, so i'm happy to not go in.
Tags: depression
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