before all that mess at work happened, a course of action regarding the future was determined and it was agreed that i would sign on to a lease here for another year, and jack will move in with me and meercat in may or whenever it is his lease is up. this satisfies my need to "know" what's "going to happen" and my need for a sense that things are moving forward, and that i will be able to spend more time with my baby. it also means we'll have a little money saving time. if that's not enough, we'll find a tiny one bedroom and move into that for a year i guess. i am almost loathe to mark this decision/agreement in lj because it feels like saying it will compromise it somehow. but it's what i want, what we want, and knowing we can have it later is a great comfort.
i have to consider putting some junk in storage for a while, i think. i have no idea how expensive that is. i wish these things weren't on my mind so heavily; i really want to just sleep. my cat is doing it - why can't i! the work day is done! yet i'm still thinking about what i could have done differently.