keep it dark (snidegrrl) wrote,
keep it dark

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so, i've decided what the deal is with my driving/car problem. i get so freaked out about driving or being a passenger, but i never have nightmares about it. i realize what i do have is waking nightmares. i keep envisioning over and over that guy speeding up on the left suddenly cutting me off and slamming on his brakes causing me to run into him, or someone jumping out of the intersection before they should, slamming into my car, or the 18-wheeler ahead jacknifing across the entire highway, obliterating everyone behind them... i can't tell you how many times i've envisioned accidents far more terrible than the ones i had last year. i get snippets, flashes of the impact, of the airbag inflating, i see my car crumpling. this is why i am such a bad passenger. this is why i am so loathe to drive. i wish i could make it stop. i think it may be impacting my social life.

woke up early so that cheetahmaster and i could hit second story books in rockville. i purchased a number of mental health type books; one neuro-related, and several about asylums and one in particular about the modern use of electroconvulsive therapy. also arundhati roy, paddy chayefsky's altered states, and something else i can't remember. they didn't have any of ian mcewan's other work, nabokov's pale fire, or the unbearable lightness of being, all of which were on my list. oh, and yet another 70s interior design book. i never fail to find one there. god, i so wish i owned a used bookstore. i think maybe i could be happy with that. anyways, despite CM trying to convince me to try some wacky vegetarian place, we went instead to fuddrucker's, which until i was 18 i didn't even want to say the name of for fear i screw it up and say the other word. i accidentally got a POUND size burger. that was just wrong. when we got back everyone was over for knitting night, and i was sad because i had to go to work. there was no answer at work to my inquiring email about the potential changes. weh.

prior to going to sleep yesterday, i got my daily dose of the tv drug. i am getting emotionally high watching stupid dawson's creek. every morning it is the same thing. fucking dawson. fucking stupid creek. at least it's not the weird yearning feeling i used to get as a teenager, it's just kind of this intense pleasure at watching people make out and try to get together with each other. i guess i'm being creepy. i would say it's totally out of character for me, but i think it's more like a secret, horrible, shameful in-character behavior. well, not [secret] i guess since i started with livejournal. if livejournal had existed when i was a teenager, i shudder to think of the results. actually, just look around. you can see what the results would have been. i totally was that girl. ugh. oh, and before you think it's a sexual thing, it's totally not. it's a... romantic thing. but it's not like romance novels would set off that kind of pleasure, because ew. stupid dawson and his stupid creek. so wrong!!! i do not worship at the altar of television! i do not respect the sappiness!! probably in a few weeks this will all be over. i hope so.

off to breakfast with pseudotheist. it is the weekend once again... how did that happen so very fast??? i won't discuss the plans because of my longstanding decision not to discuss future plans in entries because they inevitably end up not happening. i think breakfast is kind of a given at this point though. btw, strangedreams made this icon, because i still haven't figured out how. i read that the font border can be made in photoshop with a blending option though. we'll see.
Tags: books, car
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