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how terrible it gets.

it gets so terrible, here on the overnight, with the food situation, that Coworker Number One and i have established an elaborate 7-11 hot dog rating system. you have several elements to the perfect 7-11 hot dog. first you have the dog itself. you have to time the arrival at the 7-11 perfectly in order to get the perfect dog, and you'd be surprised how difficult this is. they put dogs on only once in the middle of the night, and when they sell out, it's over, but there is essentially no better time to get the dog than when they first put them out. they change this from night to night; this is probably the part of the process you least have control over. second, you have the cheese. you'd think that this would be pretty straightforward, but however they make the cheese down there it can be anywhere from bland to ridiculously spicy. i personally like it right in the middle, and that's kind of a crap shoot. i've seldom had them err on the side of bland. usually it's just burning holes in the soft tissue of my insides. the final ingredient to the perfect 7-11 hot dog is the bun. the bun can be stale and rock-like and horrid, or it can be soft, like buttah. you have some control over this by haranguing the staff, but mostly they either have stale ones that day or good ones.

there are other factors to the 7-11 hot dog that may contribute; how bad the guy smells who is selling you the hot dog, whether there are obnoxious drunks in the 7-11 souring your mood. but really, if you get the fresh bun, you can ignore all the other things. like the fact that 7-11 hot dogs are disgusting torturous items designed to cause you intestinal distress and probably involving so much cruelty to animals that they make the baby jesus cry.

so for dinner tonight i had chips ahoy instead.



( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 11th, 2002 05:37 am (UTC)
And yet!

And yet, like any good Anhk-Morporkan, you keep going back to CMOT Dibbler.

Dec. 11th, 2002 05:54 am (UTC)
Whoever you are, thank you! Brightened my day.

Especially germane as currently I'm reading Dorothy L. Sayers Have His Carcase in which they investigate the murder of someone who ostensibly cut his own throat. Heh.
Dec. 11th, 2002 08:53 am (UTC)
how bad the guy smells who is selling you the hot dog


Hee. hee.


Dec. 11th, 2002 09:21 pm (UTC)
hey that smell can stick in your nostrils and ruin the WHOLE experience!!! ;)
Dec. 11th, 2002 09:24 am (UTC)
SWEET BABY JESUS, but do I *HEART* me some conv. store hot dogs! But only if the buns are fresh. Throws the whole experience off otherwise.

And that overnight shift!--DREADFUL! I used to work in the security field and had to work that crappy shift. I lasted about a month.


Okay, I'm finished yelling.
Dec. 11th, 2002 09:20 pm (UTC)
Ah, A month. at a month i think i still had the shakes. that was about when my fiance dumped me. then it got bad... but now after a year and a half, it's totally normal!!! except for thinking that 7-11 hot dogs are yummy.

oh and before you feel the need to say anything conciliatory about the fiance, trust me, it was a good thing ultimately.

Dec. 11th, 2002 11:07 am (UTC)
I'm sure there is a good coffee table book here. Just make the rounds of NOVA 7-11s at 3 AM and take a picture of the proprietor and then review the dog. either spread this task amongst all your friends or buy a truck load of Tums before you start. This could lead to a whole series of "Crappy Food" books.
Dec. 11th, 2002 09:23 pm (UTC)
Re: Dogs
i wonder what kind of documents you'd have to get the proprietors to sign.

not that i'd want to make more money off the backs of those poor guys.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )