keep it dark (snidegrrl) wrote,
keep it dark

how terrible it gets.

it gets so terrible, here on the overnight, with the food situation, that Coworker Number One and i have established an elaborate 7-11 hot dog rating system. you have several elements to the perfect 7-11 hot dog. first you have the dog itself. you have to time the arrival at the 7-11 perfectly in order to get the perfect dog, and you'd be surprised how difficult this is. they put dogs on only once in the middle of the night, and when they sell out, it's over, but there is essentially no better time to get the dog than when they first put them out. they change this from night to night; this is probably the part of the process you least have control over. second, you have the cheese. you'd think that this would be pretty straightforward, but however they make the cheese down there it can be anywhere from bland to ridiculously spicy. i personally like it right in the middle, and that's kind of a crap shoot. i've seldom had them err on the side of bland. usually it's just burning holes in the soft tissue of my insides. the final ingredient to the perfect 7-11 hot dog is the bun. the bun can be stale and rock-like and horrid, or it can be soft, like buttah. you have some control over this by haranguing the staff, but mostly they either have stale ones that day or good ones.

there are other factors to the 7-11 hot dog that may contribute; how bad the guy smells who is selling you the hot dog, whether there are obnoxious drunks in the 7-11 souring your mood. but really, if you get the fresh bun, you can ignore all the other things. like the fact that 7-11 hot dogs are disgusting torturous items designed to cause you intestinal distress and probably involving so much cruelty to animals that they make the baby jesus cry.

so for dinner tonight i had chips ahoy instead.
Tags: food
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