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i wonder.

i wonder if guys get bothered by being called "the boy". i have noticed alot of my friends call their boyfriend/s.o. "the boy". and i was thinking, what if they called us "the girl"? wouldn't we be like "oh man why can't he call me by my name???" is this one of those things where we feel intrinsically that men would say "the girl" and mean it in a demeaning way but somehow women don't mean it that way? because i can't tell if it's actually kind of demeaning or not. i take shit like this way, way too seriously, don't i. but don't we need at least a few people in this world to take these things seriously and keep everyone else in line? i think when we're saying something nice, it's a good thing, like, "the boy took me to dinner, isn't that sweet" but then it can be turned around and be bad, like, "the boy forgot to help me lift the heavy thing". so i guess it's like using his name. but only it's not, it's like lumping him into a category with a label. uh... wait, should i just shut the hell up? don't answer that last one.

the one question i can answer for myself is, should i go home? yes.

Comments

( 35 comments — Leave a comment )
mistervimes
Nov. 20th, 2002 05:09 am (UTC)
It's ALWAYS irritated me to hear someone called 'boy' by their SO. I call my girlfriend either by her name or refer to her as my girlfriend. She calls me her 'man' or her 'boyfriend'. It may be a strictly southern thing but after a certain point in life 'boy' is just not acceptable.
snidegrrl
Nov. 20th, 2002 06:55 am (UTC)
honestly, i don't think any of my friends mean anything by it that is bad. some of my friends also refer to "the sex" or "the whatever" and it's just something cute to say. but then i think, how do the guys feel? probably sometimes they don't care and sometimes they do and obviously no two instances are the same.

i will say that i almost never hear my friends use the possessive when referring to their SO. I almost never hear out of anyone i know "my man" or "my woman" unless it's in a joking tone.

mainly i was just curious to get reactions. thanks :)
(Deleted comment)
snidegrrl
Nov. 20th, 2002 06:57 am (UTC)
I don't know very many people who are not thoughtful and polite, therefore I doubt if anyone I know has bad intent with their nicknames, epithets, or door openings. :)

I know some people might disagree with me on this, but I do know that political correctness can be taken too far.
swartzdk
Nov. 20th, 2002 07:55 am (UTC)
boy/girl
I'm sure that if I ever used "girl" as a greeting for your other ancestor the reaction would be swift and probably show hurt feelings. "girl" is often used as a replacement for "Bitch" or "Ho" none of which are nice at all. My mom, rest her soul, would have killed me for treating women that way.
snidegrrl
Nov. 20th, 2002 03:41 pm (UTC)
Re: boy/girl
Well, I think that at 45 the Ann-cestor is just plain well beyond "girl". ;)
jwiv
Nov. 20th, 2002 08:29 am (UTC)
Honestly, it doesn't really bother me. But in a way, I just view it as flippancy hiding more tender endearments; which is just fine.
oontzgrrl
Nov. 20th, 2002 11:33 am (UTC)
Re: ...
Hahaha. neither you nor I EVER could be accused of using flippancy to hide tender emotions with ANY of our SOs. Issues? Naaaaw. :)
Re: ... - traceracer - Nov. 20th, 2002 01:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - jwiv - Nov. 20th, 2002 05:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - oontzgrrl - Nov. 20th, 2002 07:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - traceracer - Nov. 21st, 2002 02:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
oontzgrrl
Nov. 20th, 2002 09:27 am (UTC)
Re: ...
Well I wouldn't mind being refered to as "the girl" as I find it cute, and less offensive then the "old lady" :) But I also like it when my boy du jour calls me "woman" :)

I typically use the phrase "the boy" when I am talking about the boy I am dating but we haven't actually offically become "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" so he isn't "the boyfriend". :) So um yeah, its my way of being like "no no I am not calling you my boyfriend before you wanna be called that, hence "the boy" cause um...yeah. :)
traceracer
Nov. 20th, 2002 10:25 am (UTC)
Hmm I'm really not sure what term I use in reference to the SO. Do I say 'the boy'?

Huh. What do I use?

I think I'd be ok with 'the girl'. I think it would be cute and endearing, though I'd probably prefer 'the love of my life and the sole reason for my existence'.

Yeah, girl's ok.

oontzgrrl
Nov. 20th, 2002 11:31 am (UTC)
Re: ...
I want to be their beautiful princess. I want to be reasured of this EVERY day. I wanna hear "awwww you're my princess. you're so pretty. I am unworthy of your pretty princess powers." :)
Re: ... - rob_donoghue - Nov. 20th, 2002 01:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - oontzgrrl - Nov. 21st, 2002 06:07 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - traceracer - Nov. 20th, 2002 01:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - snidegrrl - Nov. 21st, 2002 08:28 am (UTC) - Expand
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rob_donoghue
Nov. 20th, 2002 11:48 am (UTC)
I'm fine with "boy", but it doesn't seem to come up so much post-marriage. But heck, I'm also in favor of the use of "Chicks". Like Der Fraschmakker has noted, it's all about flippancy.

That said, if I were from a more southern state where "boy" was a bit more loaded, I'd probably avoid it like the plague.
bizarrojack
Nov. 20th, 2002 03:24 pm (UTC)
Until I read all these comments, I was thinking "i dont think men care what you call them because they call each other terrible things and its de rigeur(sp?)"

but i guess some people do mind.
Everyone commend me for referring to kim as "my special lady"
snidegrrl
Nov. 20th, 2002 03:39 pm (UTC)
Well, I certainly don't mind. I commend you!

tzel
Nov. 20th, 2002 05:25 pm (UTC)
The Boy
Well, personally, I usually call them The Boy until I feel comfortable calling them something else. There's no intention to be demeaning or anything. Considering the reaction the last time I asked a man if it was alright to call him my boyfriend, The Boy may be the permanent endearment in the Dalton household.
snidegrrl
Nov. 21st, 2002 08:32 am (UTC)
Re: The Boy
I can't blame ya there!!!!
drivingblind
Nov. 20th, 2002 06:46 pm (UTC)
Seems oversensitive. Intentions are what matter, not the word itself. Profane words are a great example of this. Sometimes they're violent, brutal, violating. But the same words can be used in an erotic context, too. It's in how they're put. To treat them otherwise is to affirm that words are sticks and stones, and who wants to duck flying objects from every conversation?
snidegrrl
Nov. 21st, 2002 08:36 am (UTC)
It's true that I think about stuff too much.

But in that vein, I'd just like to state for the record that I think that "cunt" needs to have some of its negative power removed and to get some positive air time.
(no subject) - drivingblind - Nov. 21st, 2002 08:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snidegrrl - Nov. 21st, 2002 08:57 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - drivingblind - Nov. 21st, 2002 09:24 am (UTC) - Expand
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examorata
Nov. 21st, 2002 06:16 am (UTC)
I don't particularly care for "boy" other than when impersonating Foghorn Leghorn, when it is not just recommended but entirely necessary. "Get away from me boy, you bother me."

I like "fella," as in "I got to talk to my fella a bit tonight" because it is sort of charmingly archaic and vague as all get-out.

This is of course an entirely academic conversation for me.
mcoletti
Nov. 21st, 2002 08:54 am (UTC)
Nope.
I don't mind being referred to as "boy" by any gal I'm dating.

I once dated a gal that hated adult women to be referred to as "girl." Oddly, when I offered to be called "boy", she seemed to get angrier. Harumph.
snidegrrl
Nov. 21st, 2002 08:59 am (UTC)
Re: Nope.
some people can't relax about some things, tis true. there are certainly things like that i can't relax about but damned if i can think of any right now, i'm too relaxed.
bronzemountain
Nov. 23rd, 2002 06:33 am (UTC)
I suppose it's possible that valancymay could get away with calling me the boy. But in any and all previous embroilments, at the very least, if anyone had called me "the boy" I would have been inclined to dissect their ego with the scalpel of scorn. I don't find the words 'the' and 'boy' offensive at all, and in an extraordinarily clear and comfortably flippant group atmosphere, sure, no harm no foul. But a significant other calling me "the boy" is grounds for emotional dismemberment. Someone yelling "BOY" at me in the Foghorn Leghorn fashion cited by examorata is just peachy; funny, even. Using "the boy" as a label of identity, though, would just plain piss me off. It's disrespectful. I wouldn't have ever called a girlfriend 'the bitch' (well, not while actually involved, anyway). Once you're, you know, not a boy anymore, the term is, with exceptions, derogatory.

As to the cunt issue, I'm not particularly offended by the word. Strangely, I didn't actually encounter the word till I was in college. My vulgar vocabulary was quite well developed in every way save the inclusion of the word cunt. Since it had never featured in that licentious lexicon, well, I had no real problem with it, at all. Maybe it can be both inoffensive AND vulgar, by turns. Like "fuck". Fucking is fun. It's a fine word. It is a useful word. Its shades of meaning divide it cleanly and precisely from making love, having sex, getting laid. Also, it's handy for screaming very loudly when I smack a hammer into my thumb, or when I am describing the precise sorts of idiots (ie. fucking idiots) that drive in Virginia. It's fun, it's functional, and when necessary, it's gloriously, inelegantly vulgar. We need more words like that.
snidegrrl
Nov. 24th, 2002 11:07 pm (UTC)
Once you're, you know, not a boy anymore, the term is, with exceptions, derogatory.

That's kind of how I figured it, but I wanted to take the general temperature of things. I always have a twinge of guilt whenever I am being all cutesy with my friends and say things like "we're going to talk about boys!" or the like because I consider it kind of insulting, of course, I then go ahead and say it because I know I don't disrespect any of my male friends/significant others/etc. and usually the comment is more of a "joke" anyways.

Of course that brings up a whole host of issues about jokes and the fine line between jokes you absolutely don't mean and jokes that have a kernel of truth... someone once advised me that all jokes have some kernel of truth no matter how tiny and that I should pay attention to what people are joking about, because it might clue you into some more honest things about what they are saying, and that lesson kind of stuck with me. Maybe a little overmuch.
( 35 comments — Leave a comment )

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