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whuf.

class tonight was hard. and scary. but so far, i can at least say that i have ridden a motorcycle. i am proud of that much. if i fuck up tomorrow and just quit, i'll have to delete this entry...

the fact is i am petrified of tomorrow and part of me doesn't want to go back. but i MUST go back. i CANNOT give up. it's hard, but it's not that hard!!

so i dropped the bike twice. another girl dropped the bike once, but on her leg, and had to go to the hospital. (the girl that is about 75 pounds soaking wet) i think it was a perfunctory visit, but still she can't come back to class. a tiny part of my wished i were her and could leave. i must persist, though, not to save face, because obviously i'm telling the world right here how i feel, but because honestly i think it's anxiety getting the best of me and pessimism winning out over optimism, and i think that i CAN do it, although at several points i found myself saying inside my (new 160$) helmet "oh god, i can't do this, oh god".

i so desperately wanted to call steph and talk to her about how i feel. in a way i still do. but i think i will wait until sunday. i mean, i know she's been to the class and might be able to help me not be so... wussy about it. and you know, wanting to talk to her. my parents kind of helped when i called them... i thought they'd be like quit! it's dangerous! you have the right idea! but they weren't. they were like, you can't give up now! the instructors were also very encouraging and have not kicked me out yet.

i think that's all i can say about it... i'm going back tomorrow... but i'm frightened. of what, i am not really sure.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
martinhesselius
Aug. 16th, 2002 06:35 pm (UTC)
Much good luck!
::Hugs::
welcomerain
Aug. 16th, 2002 07:00 pm (UTC)
Believe me, you're thinking EXACTLY the same things I did when I went through the Rider's Edge course. I dumped the bike twice, and the second day it was pouring rain constantly. I was one of the two smallest women in the class, and the only person without any motorcycle experience. And I was so sore I could barely move. I still haven't taken the state license exam yet, but I did pass the class -- just barely. You will be proud of yourself when you're done. If you have questions or you just want to vent, you're welcome to email me.
snidegrrl
Aug. 19th, 2002 09:19 am (UTC)
Thanks for the support... I might just need it again soon. I'm noping to get some practice in with friends in the next month. I'm finding as time is passing that I *do* want to get back on a bike.
lizzykat
Aug. 16th, 2002 11:59 pm (UTC)
Vrrrrrrrrrrrooom!
Hi -- I just discovered your LJ a few days ago and have been enjoying reading it. How kick-butt is it that you're learing to ride a motocycle? Rock on!

(I hope you wouldn't mind if I add you as a friend, BTW.)
snidegrrl
Aug. 19th, 2002 09:20 am (UTC)
Re: Vrrrrrrrrrrrooom!
I'm thrilled that you added me! I hope you're not going to remove me now that I failed! :)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )