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so last night, when it was actually kind of slow, i figured out what i want from tiffany's. good for me. i don't know why i do this to myself.

last night we hit la gringada for gene's birthday. i hope he enjoyed it! i did but would have enjoyed it more if i could have taken part in the pitchers of margaritas. there was much discussion of tantric sex and uh funny but i don't remember what else. when we got back to my place a huge debate broke out about use of the word cunt. i left mad, but i have to just let it go.

been thinking alot about my "defensive" brand of feminism. i wonder if it tosses my whole philosophy in the trash to be so passive about it. (i bet someone is thinking as they read this, "passive my ass"...) i just... i got into alot of debate this week and gave some advice to people (sometimes i didn't give the advice, i just thought the advice) about how to cope with anger. sometimes i wonder if, no matter who you ostracize, it's better to stay angry. but at the same time, it will eat you up. i don't know.

there is a voicemail on my cell phone that is completely unintelligible, except for the fact that i can make out that this person says that my package is ready? or that they have something for me? it's a huge mystery.

i am so proud of myself. i fucked with php enough to make it put all the lj icons i have ever made or stolen on one page in a table. i mean, i didn't write the php but i figured out how to change something jack made to do what i want. and really, that's pretty amazing considering the fact that i am utterly code-challenged. i want to change some stuff about it but until then here it is.

here's today's exciting ebay find, yet another 70s interior design book. i have a whole shelf now. i'm trying to read a second sherlock holmes vs jack the ripper book, but this one sucks and i don't like how they are characterising abberline, who i like to think of as super-cool and looking like michael caine. if it gets much worse i'll go back to harry potter, even though i forgot most of what the hell is going on in the harry potter-verse. i'm more stuck in the joey potter-verse right now.

Comments

( 40 comments — Leave a comment )
tzel
Jul. 2nd, 2003 03:52 am (UTC)
Do you mean ostracize or alienate? You shouldn't fear alienation so much... an intelligent person will debate the issue and at worst you agree to disagree.
snidegrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 03:59 am (UTC)
Hrm, yeah, alienate is a better word for it. Or piss off. Basically, if I said everything that's in my head I suspect I'd lose friends.
(no subject) - kelowna - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:21 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ubet_cha - Jul. 3rd, 2003 07:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - oontzgrrl - Jul. 2nd, 2003 11:01 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snidegrrl - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - professorbooty - Jul. 3rd, 2003 06:28 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - snidegrrl - Jul. 3rd, 2003 06:30 am (UTC) - Expand
ubet_cha
Jul. 2nd, 2003 05:16 am (UTC)
You're a feminist?!? I'm shocked, shocked I say!!! :D

Seriously, though, I'm rather political myself. Falling into the "Libertarian" box, since I refuse to fit into any of the others. For the most part fiscally conservative and socially liberal I learned a few years ago that most people are uneasy when you talk to them about anything with conviction. So, I've become a little more passive and try to educate instead of convert. It has also helped me learn to listen, instead of argue and push people into accept my views.

As long as you remain commited and do what you can for change, you have something to be proud of. I don't think there are really that many people left in the States, that give a damn. I try not to let anger get the best of me, although I occasionally go on a rant about 'spin' and corruption.

I'll talk about the "C" word in Tzel's journal if you are curious about my opinion on it.

snidegrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 06:22 am (UTC)
Uh oh... wacky libertarians... I hope we don't get into it, since I lean way more towards the socialist end of things. ;)

As far as people giving a damn... I've started to become a little more snobby than that. Maybe it's less that they don't care and more that they are mouth-breathing morons.

And as far as cunt... hoo boy. I think I've said more than my share on that over in her entry myself.
(no subject) - ubet_cha - Jul. 2nd, 2003 08:53 am (UTC) - Expand
... - professorbooty - Jul. 3rd, 2003 06:30 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - ubet_cha - Jul. 3rd, 2003 08:06 am (UTC) - Expand
puck_eater
Jul. 2nd, 2003 06:32 am (UTC)
To speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing....
I have a similar problem with a large group of my friends. You see, somehow I have managed to befriend some of the nicest right wing conservatives you could ever want to meet. They are my tried and tru buds and I would never exchange them for the world. But some of their political opinions drive me fucking bonkers. We seem to have found a happy medium to talk politics but it invloves agreeing to play nice and respect the other persons views. This has taken some doing and occasionally there are just times when I keep my yap shut lest the phrase "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?" burst forth.
As far as the books go, I have never read a Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes novel that I enjoyed.
snidegrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:15 am (UTC)
actually, neither book is by ACD, i haven't read his stuff in years. i think it's tring to emulate that, but i don't know until i go back and re-read the ACD stuff. :)

i don't know how it worked out but i don't have that many friends who are super conservative. the ones i do have (not to mention my dad) it's just something where i have to let it go. i don't want to burn any bridges and i can try to say something here and there but if we're not going to change each others' minds i have to just put it away because it actually could damage a friendship.

and then there are the days where i just tell myself, well, that's it, i have to stop talking to people, all people, ever, because RAARRGGHHHH!!!!!!
... - professorbooty - Jul. 3rd, 2003 06:35 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: ... - snidegrrl - Jul. 3rd, 2003 08:24 am (UTC) - Expand
kelowna
Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:02 am (UTC)
about how to cope with anger. sometimes i wonder if, no matter who you ostracize, it's better to stay angry. but at the same time, it will eat you up. i don't know.

why is it better to stay angry?
why not resolve the situation either within yourself or with the opposing party as best you can and progress forth? in addition, how about checking the anger to see if it is at all valid or simply reactionary based on momentary hormonal or emotional instinct?

--kelowna
snidegrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:11 am (UTC)
it's not the specific anger. it's the anger at strangers, the anger at the media and society, it is a cultural revolutionary anger. it's anger that my best friend has to put up with jackasses that think since she's a woman she doesn't know how to work a camera even though she manages a camera store. it's anger when a beautiful woman tells me she's fat and ugly because she doesn't look perfect enough. it's anger that has no end of catalysts.

i'm actually not angry every minute of every day, because i realized i couldn't live like that and i had to manage it somehow. so i let things go. but some days it feels like i'm letting the world get away with something by not speaking up and just telling myself i have to let it go because there is nothing i can do right now.
(no subject) - kelowna - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:18 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snidegrrl - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:29 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - rubinpdf - Jul. 2nd, 2003 08:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snidegrrl - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
veggiemama
Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:03 am (UTC)
Must. Have. Jewelry. I love all those rings! And I just woke up so am not going to tackle the heavy stuff in the rest of the post, but I do love those rings.
snidegrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:19 am (UTC)
I know... I have one ring from Tiffany's that my mother bought me a few years ago and I treasure it. Stupid me had to go browsing in a moment of weakness. :P
judithiscariot
Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:13 am (UTC)
omg gimmie that ring now#@$@#!$@#!
snidegrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:17 am (UTC)
which one???? i didn't post the necklaces i wanted because goddamnit, it's just too awful to keep looking.
(no subject) - judithiscariot - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:28 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snidegrrl - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:30 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - judithiscariot - Jul. 2nd, 2003 07:36 am (UTC) - Expand
oontzgrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 11:34 am (UTC)
Any time you have some kinda political or other type of rant that you really don't want to keep inside, but you feel uncomfertable posting to LJ, feel free to email it to me.

I promise to not hate you. Ok unless your rant is about how much I suck. :)
snidegrrl
Jul. 2nd, 2003 11:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks. We'll see I might take you up on that. The same goes in reverse. :) Did you get my IM's? You can send email ahem to the email address listed on my info here.

I completely can't imagine myself ranting about you sucking.
salami_salome
Jul. 2nd, 2003 12:07 pm (UTC)
Damn you, internet! Before you we just didn't ever see the shiny beautiful things, and so we didn't know we wanted them. I torture myself with dance costumes, which tend to run anywhere from $200-$1000. Sigh.

You and I are angry because we're idealists. We see the way that things could be and we see how certain people either deliberately or subconsciously prevent the achievement of certain ideals. When those people are, say, Jerry Falwell, we can just be angry and our anger can inspire us to do good. When those people are our friends, it causes a problem.

All we want is for people to be treated with respect regardless of our gender. Why do people who seem to otherwise value us dismiss and/or ridicule our opinions on this one matter? Especially since those people are usually not at all like Jerry Falwell. That's the question I always get hung up on.

But I think you've asked the more important question. What do we do when it happens? Personally, I think as long as injustice exists there is a reason to stay angry. The tricky part is showing your friends that you are not angry at them personally, but at a system of beliefs and contexts that a)have accrued over time and b)can change without hurting them.

You have to be willing to be patient enough to explain it, and they have to be willing to entertain the notion.

(I can't believe that the stigma of the crazy man-hating victim feminist has such a hold over the collective imagination. All feminists and feminism can't be crazy if your good friend who you respect is a feminist, right? I'm not a big fan of Jerry Falwell but I have friends who are Christians because THEY AREN'T LIKE HIM. Not all Christians are the same! Likewise, feminists.)

I've found that quite a few times, the person I'm talking to is defensive or dismissive, and I myself
am often guilty of saying "if you don't understand why this is offensive, then I can't possibly explain it to you." That's probably a cop-out, but I do it for the sake of domestic harmony! Still, it bothers me every time.

I often hear a black friend of mine say "white people just don't get it" and I think "ok, but that's probably not because they're deliberately hateful but because they just don't see. Show it to them." She understands the need to have the dominant culture exposed to the minority viewpoint, but she also resents having to basically justify herself. Why should the oppressed group have to justify why they feel oppressed? It's completely backwards.

That's how I feel when I'm talking to people who express anti-feminist sentiment. I'm offended, and my responses to them are not attacks on them, but instead I AM WILLINGLY EXTENDING MYSELF TO EXPLAIN ON REASONABLE TERMS EVEN THOUGH I'M UPSET WHY IT IS THAT I FEEL THAT WAY. That takes effort and patience, and to me, that is a sign of respect. If I don't get that respect back in return, if all I get is "you're being too sensitive" or "you can't tell me what to do," then a)I'm not likely to want to continue the conversation, and b) I walk away upset.

Not because I'm a crazy hysterical extremist who can't agree to disagree but because for the sake of friendship I put my own hurt on hold and I received no similar extension on the part of my friend. That's the point at which it becomes personal.

The effect is that the person seems willing to snub me altogether just because I'm calling attention to an ideology that this person doesn't think exists. I must be totally worthless to them. And yet I'm the one at fault, because I subscribe to an "ism."

Feminism is supposed to benefit everyone. If you see it as a threat, what can I do? Being "saved" is supposed to benefit everyone too, and yet I avoid Christian FUNDAMENTALISTS who want to tell me that my way of life is wrong and I should give it up and subscribe to a certain set of beliefs or behaviors. Am I a hypocrite?

The whole phenomenon makes me sad.
salami_salome
Jul. 2nd, 2003 12:11 pm (UTC)
By the way, tzel, if you're reading this, please don't read it as a veiled flame on you! Snidegrrl and some other gals have heard me bitch lately about my roommate who is a really smart guy but also takes "Maxim" magazine a little too seriously and persists in ridiculing me for "reading too much into it" when I object to sexist beer commercials.

So I've been thinking about this issue a lot lately.
:)
(no subject) - snidegrrl - Jul. 3rd, 2003 02:23 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - snidegrrl - Jul. 3rd, 2003 02:28 am (UTC) - Expand
swartzdk
Jul. 2nd, 2003 01:23 pm (UTC)
Anger
Anger for yourself is a good thing, never let anyone put something over on you. Anger on behalf of others is pointless, they won't appreciate it and you put yourself in the "do-gooder" category and nobody likes one of those. besides most people practice "in one ear and out the other" Add Don Quihote to your reading list
snidegrrl
Jul. 3rd, 2003 02:22 am (UTC)
Re: Anger
I hope I am already squarely in the do-gooder category...
Re: Anger - professorbooty - Jul. 3rd, 2003 06:36 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Anger - snidegrrl - Jul. 3rd, 2003 08:27 am (UTC) - Expand
( 40 comments — Leave a comment )

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