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hey, jealousy

you know how when you want to make a joke about something, because it used ot be sensitive and it's not now and you want to prove how cool you are with things so you want to be nonchalant so you want to just make an offhand remoark meant purely for humor but yet you stop yourself, knowing still that there is a kernel of truth in what you say. i am this way about my jealous, petty nature in relationships. realistically i have no fear of any infidelity, yet i still wonder who chicks are, so i can't make a flippant joke about how i'd better tell some girl what's what becaause in reality, some tiny part of me still wants to be proprietary about my SO. i wish that were not true, and i do not believe that being sarcastic about it will actually help me at all, but encourage the mental pathway to jealousy and suspicion all the more.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
cheetahmaster
Mar. 25th, 2003 03:46 pm (UTC)
Tomorrow, I will diagram that first sentence.
snidegrrl
Mar. 25th, 2003 03:48 pm (UTC)
now i am considering editing it so that it is all one long sentence.
professorbooty
Mar. 25th, 2003 08:36 pm (UTC)
I endorse this!

I also endorse giving your sarcastic comments a little leeway so that you can take potshots at your jealousy as it tries to escape the brain. It'll learn...
snidegrrl
Mar. 26th, 2003 05:40 am (UTC)
this is true... my jealousy is very weak compared to what it used to be. a few more potshots and maybe it will just die.
bizarrojack
Mar. 25th, 2003 08:36 pm (UTC)
Just because now everyone is wondering, the mystery was that I added A GIRL to my LJ friends list, one that kim doesn't know.
bizarrojack
Mar. 25th, 2003 09:02 pm (UTC)
p.s. i think its cute because we are very happy together (in case its unclear)
snidegrrl
Mar. 26th, 2003 05:39 am (UTC)
omg i totally flipped out when i saw your first comment and nearly made this post private immediately.

it's not actually funny, and i didn't mean it as funny, and it's not really cute, because it's an ugly emotion that prevents a person from taking joy in their loved one's happiness because of suspicion and fear. i detest it in myself and i want to purge it as best i can.

i shouldn't make this post private because i should be ashamed of my instinct to be jealous.
snidegrrl
Mar. 26th, 2003 05:51 am (UTC)
p.s. i was also like "HOLY SHIT jack is making me look like an asshole" then i was like "duh, i made this post to bring attention to an asshole-like feeling i had" so i guess more's the better.

besides i am prettier.
snidegrrl
Mar. 26th, 2003 09:39 am (UTC)
besides i am prettier.

see how the joke is not at all funny when i can't release the core of truth in it.

*sigh*
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )